Today is my birthday (It’s not a ploy for extra birthday wishes as I’m not even sure I want to celebrate this birthday).
Today, I turn 30.
On the one hand, I am well aware that 30 is just a number and that it holds no real significance for anything other than to count the time that has passed since I have been here on this Earth. And I even realize that it’s really not even that long an amount of time (despite what some would believe – what I believed not so long ago).
On the other hand, it’s 30. Thirty. 3-0. That’s big. It’s a big number. It’s a number that I can’t quite believe. A number that I definitely don’t feel. A number that just kind of snuck up on me.
Because, you see, I’m not where I thought I would be at 30. 30 used to seem (for lack of a better word) so old. Like I should have accomplished so much more by now.
I thought that by the time I was 30, I would have an established career, be married, and possibly have a kid. Stereotypical, I know. But it’s what I thought would have happened.
And that’s very much NOT what has happened.
Instead, I am about to be a substitute teacher. Again.
I am single. And my one relationship that I’ve had could barely be called a success (which I’m beginning to realize more and more now).
And, not only do I not have kids, I don’t think I’m ready for kids (or when I will be ready).
That’s not to say I’m a nobody with nothing to do and no dreams.
Quite the opposite.
I have friends that I know will always be there for me. They are wonderful people that have gotten to know me so well that they know when I need them to reach out and when I am needing more than I can ask for. I couldn’t ask for better friends than the ones I have been lucky enough to call mine.
I have a family that – ultimately, at the end of the day (at least I think most of the time) – loves me. They might show their love in ways that I don’t always understand. But they do love me.
I have dreams that are vast and various. The biggest problem is, maybe, that they are too vast and various. And I want to accomplish all of them. And I have dream ADD. I am working to fix this. Sort of.
And, because of that (and this struggle I’m having with this number), I propose a new passion project of mine.
A project to explore and glorify and beautify this number.
A number. An age. A new decade.
Please stay tuned for more on this passion project of mine.
And, to anyone else that might be having some trouble with the number that shows up as their age: Don’t worry. We’re all going to be fine. I really believe that.
To thirty. And a new year. And wonderful things.
As a friend told me, I think it’s going to be the best year. I have a feeling.