This journey into finding joy and sharing it with others is very personal to me. And, yesterday, I told you that I would expand on that a little bit. And that is exactly what I plan on doing today.
For as long as I can remember, I have always done what I am supposed to.
When I was a kid, I usually listened to my parents. I think that I had one sip of alcohol throughout all of high school (unless you want to count the wine turned to blood during communion). I did my homework. I got good grades. I made a plan and I stuck to it.
I decided that college was the right path for me. So, I got good grades. I studied, I focused, I applied myself. And I went to college. I went to college during my senior year of high school and then I actually went to college after.
I picked a profession that I was passionate about and I stuck to the course, studying hard and doing everything necessary to gain my degree. While in college, I became an RA to help pay for things and I didn’t party nearly as much as most people (or at least the average amount of people).
I got my degree.
I had followed the path that had been prescribed to me and I loved it. I do not regret anything up until that moment. I enjoyed myself – even if I didn’t party a lot, I made great friends, and I transformed into a new person through these journeys. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.
And, I thought that the path would continue to work.
I picked a school to work at. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher and I would be a teacher anywhere that I could. I stuck with that school. I subbed every day that I could – sometimes in classes that were far less than desirable. I picked up the slack of teachers that were out. I became a part of the community. And I waited for a full time opening.
Last year, a full time opening in my current path was available. I interviewed. I didn’t get the job. I was devastated.
But, again, I helped out.
All the while, I stayed at home with my mom – a blessing for me as substitutes don’t make a lot of money and that was my only form of income. And I helped out at home. I helped where I could and when I could. I let my car be used, I helped with bills, I paid my own bills. And I did what I thought I was supposed to.
And, now, I’m not anywhere that I think I should be. I am not on a path to anything. Teaching has become tainted and I’m not sure that it is meant for me any longer. I have no plan.
For the first time, I feel lost and like my next step is not laid out for me. It’s extremely scary. And, because of the past seven years, a lot has shifted in me.
I am not the person that I thought I would be and I am not the person that I want to be.
So, a big part of my next journey is going to be to chase after joy. I want to get back to the person that believed anything was possible. I want to move on from where I have been and move towards something so much better.
And, this is a more in depth look at why I am starting this email list. My new journey begins this summer. I am going to work with a friend and I am going to be working on a farm – sort of. I will be working in the market, going to markets, and I will be working the taproom that they opened.
And I will be chasing joy as much as I possibly can. You can follow my journey and join my email list by filling out the form here.
Have you ever lost yourself on the journey? Have you ever followed exactly the path that you thought you were supposed to follow only to find yourself stuck and unable to see where to go? Do you have any advice for me?