I am feeling a lot of stress right now.
That is something that I can say here, but have a very hard time talking about in person with anyone. It is something that I know is happening and something that is wreaking havoc on my life right now – no matter how well I try to hide it in my day to day workings (and I don’t even know if I do that well).
My life is in a huge transition right now. And I feel like I have no control over things.
It’s hard to feel this way because I really like to know what’s coming and I like to have a plan. But there are some things that you can’t have a plan for.
At school, I had a conversation with a friend of mine. I told her that there was a reason for all of this happening, but that I didn’t know what it was yet. And I don’t.
I don’t know what is going to happen from here.
But I really do feel like there is a reason for this – these changes that are coming to my life. There must be, even if I can’t see it yet.
I recently read a really amazing story that will be published in June. It was written amazingly. The story was set up and then it skipped forward to day 15 and worked backwards to day 1 again. From there, we – the reader – were taken back to day 15 for the story to be wrapped up. (Please be sure to check out the story and purchase a copy when it is out. You can find information here.)
The point of all of that is to say that I feel like there is a reason to all of this that I just don’t know or understand yet. I feel like something bigger is waiting for me just around the corner – something wonderful and inspiring and that will be the perfect fit for me. But I don’t think that I will understand that path until I get where I am going.
My life can only be lived forwards. But I will only be able to understand it once I am able to look back and connect the dots and where they needed to take me.
And that’s hard to say and understand.
Do you agree that life can only be lived forwards? What about understood backwards? Do you ever feel this way – like you don’t have control over what is happening?