After watching The Oscars Sunday night, I have only one real overwhelming feeling.
Sure, I want to watch more movies and I’d love to get to know the men and women that create these movies and star in these movies and help bring these movies to life. And, sure, I think it would be cool to be an actress and make movies that I think mean something – to me, to others, to the world. And, damn right, I think it would be really cool to write a movie that means something to someone else.
But the one overwhelming feeling I have – the feeling that really encompasses all of that – is this:
I want to create something that will last.
This is not a new feeling for me – it something I have felt many times, something that has guided me through at least some – if not much – of my life. It just feels much stronger right now.
Right now, I am overcome by the urge to create things – stories that people will read and admire, pictures that will pause a moment in time, albums that will give a glimpse into my life, a movie that people will watch over and over and over again. Something that will last and that people I know and love (or people that know and love me – because they are two different things) can remember me by.
I am feeling very small, very insignificant, very not enough.
But not in a bad way, necessarily. In a way that makes me want to be more. In a way that makes me strive to be able to create meaning in my life and others. In a way that, hopefully, will spring me into action.
Did you watch The Oscars Sunday Night? How did you feel about it? Do you ever get overwhelming urges to create things that will outlast you and stand for you once you are gone? Any suggestions about what I should create?