I’ve been feeling a fair amount of anxiety as of late. And I know that a good part of it is my personality. I am a little bit of a control freak – just in that I like to know what is going on and to be prepared for things (which you can’t always do if you aren’t in control). And it has been pretty tough lately. And it’s definitely been making me question a lot of things.
The end of the school year has been extremely hard for me. It seems that as soon as I get something finished, I have 10 other things that I have to get done. And it just never stops. I’ve been working hard, but it’s been kicking my butt. Hardcore. And it makes me appreciate and understand why teachers have to have the summer. I mean, I don’t have any idea what it’s like to come home and not have to do anything/be worried about anything. I feel guilty when I take weekends for myself. It’s been a year full of lessons – and I don’t know if they are all good ones.
And then, I start to think about how I don’t have a job for next year. And I don’t know what I’m going to do. And it all becomes way too much to bear.
So, I’m attempting to take things day by day. Because if I take things day by day, I’ll know what I have to get done and just focus on that. The downside to this is that if I take things day by day, I might not be prepared for the next day. And, as a teacher, I have to be prepared. Luckily, I have a plan for the rest of my year. A plan that I think I really like. And a plan that will carry me through until finals week. And then, once finals week gets here – I will be able to breathe a little bit easier. Sort of.
Finals week is going to be completely ridiculous. First of all, it’s two weeks. Second of all, if it has anything on some of the weekends that I’ve had to spend grading, it will just not be fun at all. The plus side to all of this is that with finals week, I won’t be able to bring anything home. I can only grade at school because everything has to occur under a secure setting. So I’m ready and excited for that. And then I have my summer. Which is going to be relaxing hopefully.
So, I’m trying to take things day by day, but still make sure that I’m prepared for things.