The Quest To Lose

I almost didn’t write this entry – and I’m trying really hard – as you know – to be more disciplined in doing this.  The reason I almost didn’t write it has everything to do with my bad choices and not doing what I should.  See, I wanted to be in bed at 9.  It’s 10:05 and I am just starting my blog entry.  The one about how much I love my students.  And how there are good things about my job as a teacher, not just bad things.  The silver lining, if you will.

So, I want to start with what is personally good for me because that’s what is really exciting me right now.  My 10th graders aren’t so much interesting me personally – well, their material isn’t.  It’s my 12th grade creative writing class that is making me excited.  See, when they write, I try to participate because then I can give them pointers and let them know what I’m thinking and how I feel about it.  And honestly, that’s great for me because I have been super successful.  I have thought of two really great story ideas that I would like to develop further and actually write (I also may commit to both April and July Camp NaNoWriMo…but more on that another day).  I have written some poetry again, which I haven’t done in ages.  And I have just gotten my writing exercises started again.  And that makes me thrilled beyond no other.  Because I think that what I’d like to tackle this summer is to write/publish (although I’m sure it will be self published, if I’m brave enough) a book.  With all of the ideas I have, I know that I will be able to then do something else for the real NaNoWriMo.  Because I have two great ideas that I really want to write (but still need to develop more) and then I have other ideas floating around that are pretty great that just need way more development.  And that’s exciting.  I even titled my memoir (or at least the one that I want to play out so that I can write it).  It’s entitled: The Quest to Lose, so I Could Find Myself: A Memoir.

So, on the student side of things.  Things that make me smile:

When a student wants to come into my room as opposed to a different room – even if it is just because they want to get away from the teacher that they would be with otherwise.

When I see a student really get something and I can actually see the light bulb moment in their faces.

When a student understands why I am upset and how hard my job is – when they commiserate with me (even when they then follow it with how I should stop giving them so much work).

When a student acknowledges me as a great teacher.

When a student is willing to challenge me in a good way – not in a bad way.

When a student says what I am thinking – because even though I shouldn’t/can’t agree with them, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one thinking it.

And I think the best part of my job is the colleagues.  I have gotten to know so many wonderful people that I knew in different capacities and it has made me feel like such a grown up.

I guess my heart wasn’t really in this post.  I just have too much going on in my head and I should be sleeping.

I’m not editing this.  I’m not doing anything with it because I have to think more about this quest to lose – things I’ve already lost, things I want to lose and how that has/will help me find myself.  And what it means in my journey to be a teacher.

I have nothing else to say right now.  Besides that I need sleep and maybe I should have gotten this (and other things) done earlier.  Oh, well.  School is going to come early tomorrow.

[sidenote] this post was written wednesday night.  and in a week that has seemed incredibly long, it doesn’t feel like a wednesday night.  as much as I am enjoying some things right now, I feel like my life is a disaster, but oddly enough I feel it in a good way right now – which might prove how much of a disaster it is.


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