This post could be about so many things – and in a way it is. Once again, I should probably be doing something else instead of this. I should be sleeping. But I like to write and I like to post – even if it just for me (and it is mainly). I haven’t necessarily been making the best choices lately.
Today when I got home from school, my goal was to grade all of my quizzes. I was sure that I’d be able to do this without a problem. And I probably would have been able to…except, I didn’t do it right away. Instead I watched some Friends (great show, right?!) and took a little nap – like a half hour which actually helped a lot probably. So, I just finished grading them. And although I should probably just go right to sleep because I’m still sick, I am writing this…because I want to and I like to.
The other bad decision that I made lately is that on Saturday night (keep in mind that I have been fighting a super nasty cold…just a head cold that has escalated between a small cough to a huge inconvenience…for about two weeks) I stayed up way late and didn’t get nearly enough sleep. I went to the hockey game with a friend (as part of Hockey and Heels) and then we went out after. I had part of a beer and it was nice. It was nice to have a beverage. It was really nice to have adult conversations. And it was the nicest to just act like a 26 year old (staying out a little too late, but not being so stupid that I wasn’t able to get up to sing for church in the morning).
But that isn’t even what this post is about really. See, back at the end of December, I got back on a dating site that I had been on. I finally made the decision that I wanted to really try to spark something with someone. And I was ready. And I really was. I found a great guy that I started talking to and we exchanged numbers and started texting on a regular basis. Then it stopped real quick. And my heart plummeted because I really liked him. A lot. And I wanted to date him and see where things would go.
I’m still on the site, although I toned things down a little after that/while we were talking. Recently, I started talking to another guy and then he told me that he just wants friends with benefits and figured I wouldn’t be his cup of tea. He asked if he was right and I told him yes and I figured he was done talking to me because he didn’t say anything back. He messaged me again today to just say hey. I took the bait and messaged him back. And I don’t know why.
It’s probably not a good choice. It probably isn’t the thing I should be doing. But it’s the thing I want to be doing. And that’s whatever.
Someday soon, I’ve got to find someone that things will work with, right? I can’t be alone forever, can I?
Right now, I am at such a weird spot in my life. Some days I am okay with everything. Some days I am horribly angry about everything. Some days I don’t know what to make of everything. Basically: it is what it is. And I have to believe that it will always be what it is supposed to be until it’s not supposed to be that anymore.