It Is What It Is

This post could be about so many things – and in a way it is.  Once again, I should probably be doing something else instead of this.  I should be sleeping.  But I like to write and I like to post – even if it just for me (and it is mainly).  I haven’t necessarily been making the best choices lately.

Today when I got home from school, my goal was to grade all of my quizzes.  I was sure that I’d be able to do this without a problem.  And I probably would have been able to…except, I didn’t do it right away.  Instead I watched some Friends (great show, right?!) and took a little nap – like a half hour which actually helped a lot probably.  So, I just finished grading them.  And although I should probably just go right to sleep because I’m still sick, I am writing this…because I want to and I like to.

The other bad decision that I made lately is that on Saturday night (keep in mind that I have been fighting a super nasty cold…just a head cold that has escalated between a small cough to a huge inconvenience…for about two weeks) I stayed up way late and didn’t get nearly enough sleep.  I went to the hockey game with a friend (as part of Hockey and Heels) and then we went out after.  I had part of a beer and it was nice.  It was nice to have a beverage.  It was really nice to have adult conversations.  And it was the nicest to just act like a 26 year old (staying out a little too late, but not being so stupid that I wasn’t able to get up to sing for church in the morning).

But that isn’t even what this post is about really.  See, back at the end of December, I got back on a dating site that I had been on.  I finally made the decision that I wanted to really try to spark something with someone.  And I was ready.  And I really was.  I found a great guy that I started talking to and we exchanged numbers and started texting on a regular basis.  Then it stopped real quick.  And my heart plummeted because I really liked him.  A lot.  And I wanted to date him and see where things would go.

I’m still on the site, although I toned things down a little after that/while we were talking.  Recently, I started talking to another guy and then he told me that he just wants friends with benefits and figured I wouldn’t be his cup of tea.  He asked if he was right and I told him yes and I figured he was done talking to me because he didn’t say anything back.  He messaged me again today to just say hey.  I took the bait and messaged him back.  And I don’t know why.

It’s probably not a good choice.  It probably isn’t the thing I should be doing.  But it’s the thing I want to be doing.  And that’s whatever.

Someday soon, I’ve got to find someone that things will work with, right?  I can’t be alone forever, can I?

Right now, I am at such a weird spot in my life.  Some days I am okay with everything.  Some days I am horribly angry about everything.  Some days I don’t know what to make of everything.  Basically: it is what it is.  And I have to believe that it will always be what it is supposed to be until it’s not supposed to be that anymore.

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