A Light At The End of The Tunnel

I know that I have been a bit of a downer lately and that things have been rough for me.  But I’m really glad that I’ve stuck it out and that I haven’t given up yet.  Because I think that I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Or at least a light…even if it isn’t the light.  I’ve questioned so much lately and been having such a hard time that I don’t know if this brief moment of feeling better is real or not.

Because up until this year, whenever I have been in the classroom, I have only wanted to be a teacher.  It’s been hard at times.  It’s tried my patience and it has made me a better person.  A stronger person.  But this year has been different – and not just because I began a job in a new content area.  Right now, even on the tail end of a normal, good day if I had to choose one word to describe this year, it would be: hard.

For the first time, ever, while in the classroom I felt like I didn’t belong there.  It didn’t happen often – rarely, really.  But it still happened.  And I know that this is something that can and will happen and that I can’t let that get me down.

Today, a teacher said something that I might have taken the wrong way.  But since it’s a good thing, I will keep thinking of it as a good thing because it means a lot to me.  This teacher told me about a job (remember how I don’t have a job for next year…again because this was only a one year long term sub position?) and said that I would be great for it.

She said I would be great.  After working with students that I’ve worked with.  After hearing me stress out.  After hearing me get upset about things that aren’t things I should or need to get upset about.

She said I’d be great.

And that gives me so much confidence.  Because if that teacher – a teacher that has been teaching long enough to know a good teacher and that was once my teacher – thinks I am great, I must be at least okay.  Even good, maybe.

And that makes me very happy because maybe someday I can be a good teacher as well.  Maybe I’m on my way.

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