Seeking Advice

I know I said that I wasn’t going to write again until maybe Friday and I’m probably going to regret this (for a variety of reasons) tomorrow because it is going to mean that I am up all night tonight getting work done.  But I am also feeling the need to write this down and get my thoughts out and try to figure this out.  Because I need some advice.  And I don’t know where to turn.  And I know that a lot of people don’t read this or look at it, but maybe if someone does, they will be able to give me some advice.

So, just before Christmas I joined a free dating website.  I decided that I was over having no one to talk to and I wanted to try my hand at a few things.  I messaged quite a few guys.  I was talking with quite a few for a while, but wasn’t super impressed.  Then, I really clicked with one of them.  And I started talking to him more and we swapped numbers and were texting.  We texted for a while, always saying we wanted to get together but it just didn’t happen.

I really liked this guy.  I still do like him sort of – I think.  I would like him if he would talk to me.  Somewhere along the way, I did something wrong or he stopped liking me or something.  I’m not sure.  We had a really intense flirtextathon (yes, I just made that word up).  I’d never really done that before and I was feeling a little out of my element, but I was also proud of myself for keeping it going.  But I was also tired and reading (and out of text messages), so I said goodnight.  Well, then he sort of stopped texting me.

And we never got together.  Even though I tried to get him to say yes and I’d still been thinking about him (and still do occasionally).  It was like he went from texting me a good morning message almost every morning to not talking to me at all.  And I don’t know why.  And he went from wanting to see me and saying it would be amazing to just spend time with me to not wanting to get together.

It was really hard to take.  And it’s still hard to figure out.  And I’ve revamped my profile and I’ve tried to look around a little more and put myself out there.  (Remember how I went to a singles mingle??  I didn’t write about it like I said but it’s because it didn’t really go well).  I even tried to contact someone that I really thought I would be interested in – he never contacted me back.  So, it’s been really hard to try and figure this out.

Here is what I know.  When I was texting with that guy, I was excited to hear from him.  I liked the idea that I could start something with him and see where it was going to go.  I liked that someone seemed to like me and think I was pretty and worry about me when I was driving in bad weather.  And it was nice.

I also know that I come off as quiet and anti-social and I don’t always do well in large groups because I don’t like to interrupt people and I don’t like to feel like I’m being a burden and it’s hard.  Which might be part of why the singles mingle didn’t go so well (that and there really weren’t that many guys there that were in my age range).

But I want to know what I did wrong with the guy I was texting.  I want to text him again.  I want to go on a date with him…still.  And I think that part of the reason that is is because I was trolling around on the website and under most attracted (to me, mind you) he keeps showing up.  The site keeps telling me that they think he’s attracted to me.  This makes me think that he must be checking out my profile because we haven’t messaged on there since just after Christmas (when we started texting…which lasted until almost the middle of January).

So, what do I do?  Do I make one more effort to contact this guy?  Do I “flirt” on the website?  Do I text him?  I don’t dare call him because we never even really talked…or are all of these red flags that I am ignoring because I thought I liked him so much and I wanted it to work?  Should I try and pursue someone else?

I don’t know.  I’m still single for a reason.  Part of it is my fault.  I don’t put myself out there enough.  I’m not bold enough and I don’t open myself up.  But there must be another part to.  There has to be.  I hope there is.

So, now that I’ve rambled on for a while – please give me some advice.  Guys, why do you act like this?  Does this guy like me or not?  Also, should I try and contact him again or is that annoying?  Anything will help.

I must go do some work now because I’m not ready for school tomorrow and I’m already tired.  Thank you for bearing with me.

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