Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to be working. And I am thrilled to have a job. And I am thrilled to be living out a dream. But sometimes, the day-to-day of a dream doesn’t make it seem much like a dream. Sometimes the day-to-day can make the dream seem like real work. The catch here is that the dream should be work. Because when you don’t have to work for something, it’s not much of a dream (in my opinion).
You remember, don’t you, that I am in a classroom for a full year? I have a full year where I get to know the kids. I get to fill their heads with knowledge. I get to help them see and realize their dreams. I get to live out my own dream. I get to know where I am going every morning and what I am doing (at least when I’m caught up, that is). It is so much better than subbing.
But it is so hard sometimes. And this week has been one of those weeks where I just don’t always know if I have the strength to do this. Or the patience.
Because it is hard when the kids don’t do their homework and gang up on you. It is hard when you give in to them. It is hard when the kids get upset because you tell them that they have to come to homework club because they didn’t do the homework. And then they try to argue with you because they think they shouldn’t have to worry about it. And it’s hard when you read things you should. And it’s hard when you’re given bad news. Especially when that news is going to hit the people that mean the most the hardest.
And it’s hard when there are still 2.5 weeks before winter break (Christmas break for me, really) and everyone just wants it to be that day already.
Then, I’m reminded why I do what I do.
I have a student come bounding in to say hello to me. I have a student ask to share their latest hallway complaint (that nearly always matches what I think). I have a student that opens up to me and gives me faith that they aren’t all bad. I have a student talk to me about what is bothering them. I have a student ask me for help. I have a student make me smile every single day.
So, yes, it’s hard. It’s really hard. And I’m not saying that I didn’t realize this or I didn’t expect this. Because I did. I knew that it was hard and it would be a challenge.
But it is still a dream. A dream that I am so glad that I get to carry out and live every single day. And that’s something that I have to remember. Even through the mundane-ness of it. Plus, I have coworkers that will listen to me gripe and talk me into doing the right thing. And I have coworkers that will ask me to walk with them so that I can stay sane and in shape (better shape than I have been lately). And I have coworkers who are willing to help me at any moment if I need it.
And that is definitely living the dream.
Are you leaving out your dream? What do you need to do to live out your dream?