An Undecided Feeling

I was supposed to go to a hockey game tonight.  And I did.  But before I did, a few things happened that irked me.  Actually, it has happened over the past couple of days.

A friend is in town.  We graduated high school together and when I get to see her, it’s nice.  But sometimes, our communication isn’t very reliable.  And I know that I am partially to blame for that.  But she texted me and told me she was in town and we made a verbal (text) commitment to see each other.  I texted her a few times and asked if she wanted to do things, but it didn’t work out.  Then I asked if she wanted to go to said hockey game.  She said she was in a holding pattern to see someone that she sort of used to date.

I understand wanting to try and see everyone.  I live in town so when people come home, I can see them.  But I’m sure that if I were coming back to visit, I’d want to try and see as many people as possible as well.  But to tell a friend – a once best friend – that you’re in a holding pattern over a boy that you sort of used to date?  That just seems no good to me.  And it made me a little bit sad.

No fear though, I made plans with a different friend – a friend that is in town but that I don’t see very often (I really don’t have a great social life).  This friend wasn’t sure if she wanted to come to said hockey game, but then said that she wanted to and that other people would be coming.  Said friend texted me 45 minutes before the game was scheduled to start and said communication had broken down and could we see a game in a couple of weekends.

I was upset at first.  Really upset.  But I decided, screw it.  I’m going to the game anyway…even if I have to go by myself.  Because I haven’t been to nearly as many games as I wanted to and I can’t live my life on a schedule waiting for my friends to decide that they may or may not want to hang out with me and do the things that I enjoy. 

So, I went to the game.  Solo.  And it was a good game.  We won 6-1 and it might have been nice to have someone to chat with during down times.  But it was also nice to be able to pay attention to the entire game.  And it was nice to be able to stop at Starbucks on the way there and get a beverage.  And it was nice to not have to worry about pleasing anyone else.

The long and the short of this is: I need to remember that if I want to do something – especially something like a hockey game, I should just do it…even if I have to go solo.  Because it wasn’t that bad.  And I had a good time.  And I’m glad I went (plus, I have those coupons and I’m going to have to use them).  But it’s nice to have people to share these things with as well.  I’m getting better about exploring on my own, because that is important; but I’m also questioning if I’m going to be alone forever.

Do you like to do things on your own?  What are you most likely to do on your own?  Any advice to find friends that enjoy hockey and will want to attend games with me every once and a while?

[I wrote this post Saturday evening and was originally going to post it yesterday.  I wrote something else yesterday.  So I post it here today.  What are your thoughts?  Do you have questions?  This is probably not as edited as it should be, but sometimes raw writing is the best writing]


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