Nervous Energy

I am starting to get extremely nervous about my teaching position for the fall.  I know that, despite a few bumps, my position is secure.  I also know that I am on the board agenda to be a co-advisor of the senior class.  This is a position that I am excited about.  Student government was a huge part of my life at Niagara and it’s something that I really hope to help out with and to spread my passion to.

This extracurricular activity is going to put life into my teaching, I think.  I will have a section of seniors each half of the year and I will get to know more kids this way.

I am excited to get to know mroe kids.  To be more active in the school community.  And I’m really excited to work with the teacher I am co-advising with.

I seem to be able to fool people really well.  You will maybe remember my recent post about being a fraud.  I still feel that way a little bit.  But the more fradulant I feel, the more nervous I get about dropping the ball.  Each time I seem to fool people, I feel like my load gets a little bit heavier.  I don’t know that I will ever feel differently about this.

It’s hard for me to stay calm as I write this and there are signs that I’m not very calm.  I can feel myself getting nervous and I can feel myself shutting down a little bit.  I get really upset when I can’t figure things out and I can’t see a way to make things work – even if they do end up working out fine in the end.

So, the school year is sure going to be an exciting one.  I was exciting to just have a full time classroom position and be able to have a full year where I have kids that are mine and that I will get to know and be in touch with for a while maybe.  But now that I have added another responsibility, it takes things to a new level and it makes me even more excited for the year.

I have always said that my new year begins with the new school year.  And this new year is going to be one that is full of changes and moves for me.  I’m hoping that this new year brings about some clarity for me and makes things feel like they are real for me.

I am not going to be blogging next week – and I will talk more about that tomorrow.  So, when I come back (as I may take Labor Day Monday off as well), it will be the start of school.  I won’t have students yet, but I will be at school and have full days where I am trying to figure things out.  Beginnings are always hard, but you can’t start something new (which I need desperately) if you don’t begin.

What are you looking forward to in this new year?  Do you have any advice for me?

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