Am I A Fraud?

I feel as if I have finally figured out why I have been feeling so weird lately.  And weird isn’t necessarily the right word.  And I know that word is especially crucial in that sentence.  It’s just the best word I can figure out.  I don’t necessarily feel bad.  But I definitely don’t feel good.  So, I use the word weird because I can’t figure out another word to use.  Because I finally figured out that the feeling is that of a fraud.  I feel fraudulent – like I’m fooling everyone, myself included probably.

I’m a fraud in my work outs…because I’ve been working out still.  But I’ve been eating like crap.  And I had wanted to get my weight down before my brother got married, but that’s not going to happen.  I am going to go on a two week cleanse starting on Monday.  And I’m going to do two a days with work outs and get at least a half hour of cardio in every single day – even if it is just a walk.  That’s fine by me.  I just want to get into the fit mode.

I feel like a fraud in my work.  Am I willing and able to do what I’ve been doing?  Of course.  But still, I feel like I’m not necessarily doing what I should be doing and so I feel weird.  And I feel like a fraud because frauds fool people and that’s what I feel like I might be doing.

I don’t have anything else to say right now.  I’m tired from a long day and I have another long day ahead of me tomorrow.  Then, I have a week where hopefully I can get some stuff figured out for the upcoming year.  Then, the week after that is wedding week as my brother will be getting married in two weeks!


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