I feel as if I have finally figured out why I have been feeling so weird lately. And weird isn’t necessarily the right word. And I know that word is especially crucial in that sentence. It’s just the best word I can figure out. I don’t necessarily feel bad. But I definitely don’t feel good. So, I use the word weird because I can’t figure out another word to use. Because I finally figured out that the feeling is that of a fraud. I feel fraudulent – like I’m fooling everyone, myself included probably.
I’m a fraud in my work outs…because I’ve been working out still. But I’ve been eating like crap. And I had wanted to get my weight down before my brother got married, but that’s not going to happen. I am going to go on a two week cleanse starting on Monday. And I’m going to do two a days with work outs and get at least a half hour of cardio in every single day – even if it is just a walk. That’s fine by me. I just want to get into the fit mode.
I feel like a fraud in my work. Am I willing and able to do what I’ve been doing? Of course. But still, I feel like I’m not necessarily doing what I should be doing and so I feel weird. And I feel like a fraud because frauds fool people and that’s what I feel like I might be doing.
I don’t have anything else to say right now. I’m tired from a long day and I have another long day ahead of me tomorrow. Then, I have a week where hopefully I can get some stuff figured out for the upcoming year. Then, the week after that is wedding week as my brother will be getting married in two weeks!