Tonight, I will put aside my feelings that I spoke of yesterday. I will smile and I will be polite. I will talk with people and answer the questions that will bombard me.
I will decorate and help. I will greet people and make sure that things stay refreshed and people are happy. I will try and convince my mother to sit and socialize and let some of us – most likely me – do more for the party.
And when the questions come, I will try not to get annoyed. I will try to answer them the best I can. I will not dwell on the fact that I wish I were back in the throws of young life – ready to start a new journey that I have at least designed somewhat on my own. I will not dwell on the fact that I can’t find a teaching job and it’s all I’ve wanted to do. I will not dwell on the fact that these young students are more successful than me at this point.
Instead I will dwell on the happiness that the young adults will exude. I will watch as my youngest brother talks to and socializes with the people that come – something he is very good at. I will dwell on the plans of these people – even if it seems like I am living through them (and I guess, pathetically, I am a little bit). I will dwell on the good things that are happening around me.
And then, I will make a plan for the summer. I will confront reality head on. I will continue trying to figure out my certification needs. I will write. I will be the person that I want to be. I will make plans to visit with friends. And I will try to find a part time summer job.
And life will keep moving. For me, who is trudging along and trying to find her way. For those young adults, that are hurtling forward at warp speed (to them and their loved ones). Life doesn’t stop for anyone.