This weekend was extremely hard for me. The introvert in me was out in full force and the constant going – although Sunday was MUCH better than Saturday just exhausted me.
On Saturday morning, I left the house before 9:00 am and didn’t get home until 7:45 pm. Despite the fact that it was early, I got ready and went to bed. And I was asleep by 9:00 pm. And I slept until just before my alarm was going off at 7:30 am Sunday morning. (I was awoken once by my brothers when they came in and it was 10 after 4 – yes, in the morning).
You see. It was graduation weekend. And while I am so proud of my little brother for all of his accomplishments, it was hard for me. Because I remember graduating from high school seven years ago (I can’t believe it’s really been that long). And even more recently (but too far for time to have actually passed this much already) graduating from Niagara three years ago.
And I’m not where I want to be.
And, like so many others. I am at such an awkward time of my life (complicated even more by the fact that I was substitute teaching for my brother and his friends often).
Maybe all 20-somethings are in this boat now-a-days. We graduate high school and are so excited to go off to college. And we do. And if you’re anything like me, you grow and you blossom and you really become your own person. Then, you graduate. And you can’t find a job. And so you move back home. And if you’re lucky your parents have enough money that you have your own space at home. Or you’re like me, and you don’t.
Then you begin the dance of balancing yourself and your life. Who you have become with the girl you used to be. Because you’re not that girl anymore. And you don’t want to be that girl. But if you’re living at home, you want to help as much as possible. Even if it leads to a non-existent life for you. Because you don’t really have money for that life anyways.
And this weekend it all hit me. I am 25 years old. I have no money (I will literally not be able to pay my bills this summer). I do not have a job. I don’t know how I’m going to make anything in my life work.
And I’m tired. I’m so tired of it all.
And that’s why this weekend was so hard.