I didn’t write yesterday. And I felt a little guilty. But not. I said it would be sporadic. (side note: ironically, I got the most views so far this week yesterday…I don’t know why and I guess I should maybe start to look and see if I can figure that stats thing out a little mroe) So I can’t help what I write right now. I just can’t. But I have something to say today.
I finally got the chance to watch the Carrie Underwood-Fisher (and Mike Fisher) interview that aired on the Oprah Network. First of all, let me preface this by saying that I love both Carrie and Mike. Carrie is one of those people that I wish I could be and after watching this interview I wished it a little bit more. Also, I am so glad that I am dog sitting because it meant that I have cable for the week and that I was able to DVR this (after seeing that it was re-airing) and then watch it. It was great.
During the interview, Oprah asked Carrie (yes, I’m going to act like I know them…don’t pretend that you wouldn’t/don’t wish that you knew them): Who are you really?
It’s a hard questions. It’s a really hard question. One that you probably shouldn’t be able to answer easily. One that Oprah herself said it took her three days to answer.
And I’m not going to try and answer the question because I don’t know the answer at all. I, like Carrie answered, am a product of many things. I have many things that I like to do and many things that I have to do. And many things that I do because I think I have to, even though they aren’t necessarily me. And, if I do them often enough, they become a part of me. Even if they aren’t who I really am.
But I also think that I create a bit of a persona. Like Carrie. Who said that who she is on stage is still her, but in a way that is more intense than she really is. Every song has meaning and truth to it and a little piece of her. But it’s not all of who she is. And being on stage is a persona, but in a good way. And like I said. It’s her (or so the message that I got across in the interview), but it’s more intense than her in real life.
And I think that I put on a persona a lot. And maybe I want to try and start changing that. I have started a little bit. I don’t always go and do things with friends when I don’t want to do them (even if I think that society dictates I should). I’ve started to do more things that I want to do (and tried to find friends that will do them with me).
And hopefully by doing these things, I can come to an understanding and make a difference in who I am. Well, that’s not the right word. I don’t want to make a difference in who I am. I want to figure it out. And I want to create the person that I want to be.
I will never be a party-er and want to go out every night. And that’s okay. I will never be the type that wants to drink until I fall down. And that’s okay. I will never be the type that doesn’t love to sit and read a good (or even mediocre) book. And that’s okay. I will never be the type that turns down a hockey game when I have the money to go. And that’s okay.
The person I am is inside me. I’ll always be that person. But I need to create the persona of me that shows all of that. And it’s possible. But it’s hard. Especially when I’m still trying to figure it all out myself.
Who are you really? Do you wear a mask/create a persona that you reveal to the world while hiding away pieces of you that should shine through? What do you think you should do to change that?