I have so many ideas cluttering my head. I have so many things that I’d like to get out on paper. I have so many concepts that I want to explore deeper.
And I feel like I have so many restraints that are coming to me.
I want to write. I desperately want to try and write something that is meaningful. I want people to want to read my words. And to then pass them on to someone else that would find them meaningful. I want them to live outside of me and to make something make sense to someone.
But in order for any of this to happen, I have to write (and I do).
And after writing, I have to edit (which I don’t do very well).
Then, after editing, I have to share (and I really don’t do this well).
Because when I put those words out there, I want them to mean something. And if they don’t, I have failed in a way. I have failed myself. I have failed the people that might have been expecting more from me. I have failed.
And I don’t like to fail. And I don’t like rejection. And the whole things is hard and I don’t like to think about it.
So, I might take a break. I’ll post again tomorrow. And I will post my pictures once a week. But I might take a break from this forum to spend time on other forms of writing. On my NaNoWriMo project that I have abandoned at almost near-completion (but not edited at all). At the ideas that are bouncing around in my head. At other ways that I can be happy.
We will see. I need to strike a new balance. I’m just not sure what it is yet.