Bittersweet Reality

I was talking with a teacher that had a support group in the classroom that I was teaching in today.  We talked about a whole bunch of things.  But one of the things we talked about was our college friends.  She is older than me, but not by too many years.  And we talked about college in general and that led to talking about college roommates and great friends.  She was telling me how close she was with her group of friends (I know this is presumptive, but doesn’t everyone have that group that they are super close with in college?) and roommates.  Then, she was telling me that she had lost touch with her friends and they hadn’t all been together in 3 years. 

And it made me so sad.

It made me sad because I don’t want to ever come to the point where we get like that and we only see each other every three years.  That seems like such a long time for good friends to go without seeing each other.  But, I also understand that life starts to happen.  You have your own jobs and families and priorities.  And that’s not to say that old friends aren’t a priority, but sometimes everyone’s schedule just can’t come together.

It also made me sad because I realized that, in reality, we would never all be together again.  Because we used to be a foursome and we aren’t anymore.  Not really.  We hadn’t been for a long time – even when we tried to pretend that we still were.  And that makes me sad.  But I also realized today that while the situation still makes me sad, sadder than words can express, it doesn’t make me angry anymore.  I only feel sadness when I think about that situation.

So, this evening when I was talking with one of my good friends, I smiled because I knew we’d be around for a while.  And while I was talking with my other friend last night, I smiled.  Because it makes me happy that we still talk on a regular basis and we’re able to keep in touch as much as possible.

But it’s also a little bittersweet.  Because we don’t share the day to day things necessarily.  And we don’t even necessarily share the big things because while they may seem big at times, they aren’t big after a day or two and so it doesn’t always work out.

It’s like a conversation that I had with a good friend – one of my oldest friends – after bootcamp.  It’s hard to share the day to day things when you don’t see each other every day.  It’s why your roommates come to know you so well (as long as it’s a good situation).  You see each other every day and even if you’re just making small talk, you learn about the person and what’s happening to them.  And you don’t get that, even if you talk every single day.

So, that’s my piece of life.  A bittersweet memory.  Because it is bittersweet.  To think about what could happen in the years to come.  We all know that friends come and go and that you can’t force someone to stay in your life – they may go away for a whole bunch of reasons.  But it’s still hard.

So, for all you people that I haven’t seen in a while know that I think of you often – more than you would ever think possible.  And if I’m not thinking of you today, I will soon probably.  And I hope that time’s been sweet to you.  Because you all deserve it.

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