Nothing To Say

I have nothing to say, so I’m going to say something that might not mean anything.  And will probably make even less sense.  Let me start with a question:  Do you ever think so much about things that they get a little bit out of control and then they don’t happen?  Because I do.  All the time.  Way more than I should.

I can be pretty creative.  It’s one of the things that I like about myself.  I don’t like that I can’t always then translate that to real life (or even to fictional life on the page).  But I like that I am able to be creative.

However, this can be bad.  Like when I can see something happening and picture it happening, but then it never does.  It makes me feel pretty down sometimes.  Other times, what I’ve pictured becomes so horrible that I build anxiety about something that is completely unnecessary.  So, I guess it’s not always a great thing.

Take for instance, that concert I went to last week.  WBEE had a contest where a person won “Backstage Vision” for the show.  I rarely remember my dreams (weird, since I can be so creative and daydreamy during my waking hours), but I actually had an honest to god dream (in addition to daydreaming) about winning this contest.  I didn’t win.  It made me sad.  But the concert was awesome and you can read all about it here.  (Side note: I’ve maybe been doing a little bit of daydreaming about Dean from Eden’s Edge – basically you know the usual celebrity day dream where we meet and become great friends…or more than friends…and hang out all the time)

And, of course, I have been dreaming of getting a teaching job practically my whole life.  Moreso in the past few years since I’ve left school.  And that’s been a really hard one to swallow because it’s not exactly in my control.  I want a job.  I do a good job while I am subbing.  But there aren’t any open jobs for me to have.  It makes me so sad and just sometimes makes me feel desperate.  But when I hear about an opening or I see a new opportunity, I have that dream where I see myself in that classroom.  I see myself teaching those kids and making an impact on their lives and being influential.  I see myself as the teacher I still want to be – the teacher that I will be someday.

Then, there’s my car situation.  This one I am going to make happen.  And soon.  But I’m having conflicting visions.  I have a dream of purchasing a new car and then having it be fantastic.  But then everyone tells me that I’m rushing it or I need to test drive tons of cars or I need to take it slow.  So, I have dreams about my new (to me, because I can’t actually afford a new car) car breaking down on my first “long” drive.  It’s awful.  But I plan on making that dream a reality sooner rather than later.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  It’s not like I’m spending my time daydreaming.  I am firmly rooted in the present.  I answer emails.  I sub whenever I can.  I socialize with other people.  But when I get by myself and have a spare moment, I like to think of how things could be.  Sometimes I translate these things into parts of a story – by the way, have I ever mentioned that maybe someday I want to publish a fantastic novel?!?.  Sometimes these things stay deep inside me.  Sometimes I don’t do anything with them at all.

Besides, don’t they say that it’s good to be able to see something happening?  Well, I see almost everything happen – things that really do happen and things that don’t always happen.  And sooner or later, my life will be what it is supposed to be (as opposed to me just subbing and barely getting by).  And, even then, I am sure that I will still be daydreaming about things that I want to happen and things that are going to happen.  Because life never stops.

Do you daydream about things?  Can you picture things happening?  Do you realize the difference between these daydreams and reality?  Do you sometimes wish that more of your daydreams – the ones about real dreams like becoming a teacher, not necessarily the ones about daydream dreams like becoming best friends with a celeb – would come true?  Tell me about your latest daydream.

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