Looking Back, Looking Ahead, Living Now

I had a rough week.  A really rough week.  For every day, I could think of something that went wrong or something that I would rather be doing.  It was just rough.  And we all have rough patches.  And it made me think that it was time to look back on the year (seeing as the year is almost over anyways).

This was supposed to be my golden year.  I turned 24 on the 24th.  And if I had to say if it was or wasn’t, I would say that it wasn’t.  It just seemed as if nothing went the way that I thought it was going to go.  And that I am still back in the same place I have always been.

I did not get a teaching job.  My only “full time” teaching job was a long term position as a high school business teacher.  And while challenging, it was not my ideal and I did it because I needed the money.  Could I have had a teaching position?  Possibly.  You might recall that I was accepted to Teach for America.  And then.  Then I decided not to take the position.  I still believe it was the right choice, but it has been hard, especially this fall with subbing being so sparse, to believe that it was the right choice.

I did not move out of my mother’s house – well, the house that she rents.  I had wanted to do this.  To grow up.  But I just didn’t have the financial means.  And I don’t know when I will.

I did not meet the goals that I had set for myself.  Not really.

And I am terrified, looking forward, because I turn 25 this year.  A quarter of a century.  And I know that for some that seems so young.  But for me, it just upsets me.  I do not have a steady job.  I do not have a steady relationship that I am working on.  I do not have anything that is making me lean towards adulthood.  I feel as if I have reverted.

That is not to say that I didn’t have some great times.  I went on a couple of fantastic trips with a wonderful friend.  I kept up a friendship that means more to me than anything, despite the fact that we do not see each other very often.  I helped (at least I think I did) my brother be able to get where he needs to go and live as normal a life as he can.  And I smiled and laughed a lot.  It was not all bad.  It’s just easier to remember the bad sometimes.  But I have a lot to smile about and be happy about.

But I am determined that, this next year, will be better than this one.  A quarter of a century.  That is a big deal.  No matter how scary it is.  I will set specific goals.  I will reach these goals.  I will try not to be to overenthusiastic and give myself too much to do.  But that is another post for another time.

I am vowing to myself, and to all of you, that I will also make the most of the rest of this year.  There isn’t much time left.  But I will make it the best I can.  I will relish in the two days of subbing that I have for next week and hopefully get another day or two.  I will go see a movie (something I haven’t done in so long).  I will happily go and dog sit – making money while having some delightful alone time and access to internet 24/7.  I will stop worrying about whether I will be able to pay my bills for next month (because it’s Christmas and I am dog sitting and I will make it work).

Another post to come next week on Friday probably about looking into my 30 before 30 list.  And then another one about my goals for the upcoming year.  And I have been dutifully taking my pictures – my favorite project that I have started, but will not be posting those until probably the end of next week (so it will be a delightfully HUGE batch).

We all hit rough patches.  I hit one and i am ready to get out of my rut.  To start fresh.  The end of this year will be delightful.  And next year will be delightful through and through.

Have a wonderful week everyone!  I’m so glad that you were here reading this and I really do hope that your week is as fantastic as it can be!


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