A problem that I have – and definitely had in the past (even moreso than now) – is that I overthink and stress about things that are out of my power. I have gotten much better. As a high school student, I was so high strung that I worried about way too much that really was out of my power. I wish that I had been a little more laid back and that I had been able to enjoy my time more. Even as someone who is really still in her youth, I find that youth is wasted on the young. I am older than I was and much wiser than I was and I already find that statement to be true.
I am better about things now. I can put aside some things much easier than I used to be able to. However, I still believe that I worry too much about things that I just can’t control. It’s out of my power whether or not I get a job after I apply and interview – the only thing I can do is put in all of my application materials and have the best interview that I can. After that, I need to put it aside until I hear about it and relax because there is nothing I can do.
I worry about my mother and my family more than I feel is healthy. I’m not saying that I shouldn’t worry, but when I go into panic attacks because I can’t pay my own bills because I have helped my family/am worrying about the future and what is going to come with my family and their finances, I am not going to get anything done. I can’t do anything more than what I am already doing. I can’t make a teaching job appear so that I am more financially stable. I can’t make my brother stop being an idiot and contribute more. I can’t make it so that I am able to do anything more than I am already doing. And I need to not worry about it so much.
I can’t control other people and how they behave, I can only control myself. I can make myself as optimistic and happy as possible. I can make myself as confident as possible with the scenario – everything will work out. I know this because it has to. I mean, I have no cable or internet this week and I have managed to amass 2.5 jobs this week. That’s almost unheard of with people taking fewer days off and everything. And I can’t control when teachers leave the building and if they want me as a substitute. I can only do my best job in that situation and hope that they want me back.
I can’t control how my family eats, but I can do the best job I possibly can with my own eating habits – while not beating myself up if I give myself a treat every now and again. I can’t control whether or not other people are going to work out, but I can choose my own habits. I can’t control if people will like the book I read, but I can write a book that I would want to read and then see what happens with it.
I’m not sure that I will ever feel irresponsible. For some reason (and maybe therapy would help, but therapy costs money that I don’t have), I seem to have gotten the responsible gene in my family. I can’t make other people responsible, but I can do my best to not worry as much. I don’t know if it will ever happen. A few friends in college tried to break me of the habit, they said I worried too much, but I’m not sure that it ever stuck. Maybe a few more years of conditioning would have helped, but I had to go back into the real world.
Well, I’m off to go and work out. I’m going to watch some One Tree Hill as I do so, that way when it comes back in January, I will be all set and ready for it. I’m enjoying watching One Tree Hill as I work out. It distracts me and has me work out for longer than I might otherwise. But I also loved my 20 minute interval workout yesterday evening. Maybe that will become an evening ritual, that 20 minute interval workout because it will keep me honest and it will help me remember that I can (and will and should) always make time for something, even if it is just a quick workout.
Okay, this turned into a bit of a rambling post, didn’t it? To recap. A problem I have had (still do have although not as intense or large as before) is that I overthink and stress about things out of my control, I worry too much what people think (where the stress and overthinking come from). I am working on this. Eventually, I will get better hopefully.
What is a problem you have had or have currently? Do you have any of the same problems that I have? Do you have any advice for me?