I have not been very good about getting these posts up in the morning the past couple of days. Oops. And tomorrow will either be extremely early (not likely!) or later like today (more likely!) because I have my first sub job. Now, if I can get on the computer, I might be able to type it up in the middle of the day, but I don’t know if that will happen.
Anyways, we are on day 3 of the 10 day blog challenge. If you miss day one, you can read about my 10 secrets here; if you missed day two, you can read about my 9 loves here. Today, I am going to talk about 8 fears. I am going to try and keep the fears as light as possible (I mean, there will be some really heavy ones, but there will also be ones that are legitimately fearful to me, but you might find laughable).
Fear #1: Failure. I think that to some extent we all probably have a fear of failure – even if we can’t put it into words of fearing failure. For me, my fear of failure has been close to crippling at times. I have gotten better, but if you could have known me in high school and I mean really known me, you would have seen just how badly I feared failure. I still do fear failure, but I would say that I am so much better than I used to be in combating that fear.
Fear #2: Spiders. I really don’t like anything that is creepy and crawly (as most would put it), but spiders are the worst. I become paralyzed by them. I can’t kill them and all I can do is stare at them. They are the bane of my existence (even if they exist for specific reasons). If we could find something else that could fulfill a spider’s purpose, I would not be upset at all.
Fear #3: Never getting a teaching job. I know this could be a silly fear because everyone keeps telling me that this is just a cycle and that it is going to turn around. But my real fear is that I am going to leave teaching because I can’t find a job (and if I found something else, I would) and that I will never actually get to be a teacher. I would be crushed. Being an elementary school teacher is my passion – it is the only thing that I can consciously ever remember really wanting to be.
Fear #4: Being alone. I have issues with intimacy. I recognize and acknowledge this. It is probably one of the many reasons that I have never had a serious boyfriend (well, that and my fear of failure led me to have some crazy, disillusioned ideas about what my school life should entail). I have some friends, but my social shyness/awkwardness makes it hard to make new ones. And I am so scared that I will end up being alone and not having friends to hang out with or a husband and family to come home to. I know I still have time, but I can’t end up alone.
Fear #5: Being struck by lightning. I am not sure exactly when this fear started. But I am terrified of being struck by lightning. The thing is, I don’t actually dislike lightning. If I am “protected” (in a house or a car or something that isn’t out in the open and vulnerable), I really enjoy the beauty of lightning. But if you catch me outside with lightning, I am a wreck. And you can know that something is wrong because I get really quiet and you will see me just staring at the sky instead of paying attention to what is actually going on.
Fear #6: Walking on grates. Any type of grate: a sewer grate, a bridge that is a grate, a manhole cover, those things on sidewalks that aren’t really grates, but aren’t really a part of the sidewalk. I walk around them. I purposely slow down or move to avoid them. As friends have found out about this one, they have enjoyed trying to push me into them or jumping on them – neither or which is funny, by the way. Again, I’m not sure where this one came from. But it’s pretty bad.
Fear #7: Bunk Beds. Okay, bear with me, because I do know where this one came from. When I was little (like younger than 7 and as a child I was abnormally small until I was about 14 or 15), we had bunk beds (makes sense as there are six of us – there would have only been 4 or 5 of us at this time since my youngest brother wasn’t born yet). Well, one day, I was on the bottom bunk and the top bunk collapsed. Now, apparently it was only the mattress, and it didn’t actually collapse on top of me, but I was trapped between the mattress and the wall (and all my brothers and sister did was slide down it because it made a really cool slide). Now, I hate bunk beds. I am afraid if I am on the bottom that the top will collapse. I am afraid if I am on top that I will make it collapse onto the bottom. Oddly enough, I don’t think I’d have an issue with a lofted bed – maybe it’s just the fact that I don’t want someone underneath me and for it to collapse on them? I don’t know.
Fear #8: Dying from serious health complications while young. My family doesn’t have the cleanest slate. And I am uninsured and don’t like doctors. So, I have a slight fear of something actually happening to me. This is compounded by the fact that I like to have information and my go-to source of information is the internet and a slight case of hypochondria. I do not want to die because I am unhealthy. I want to live a long life.
What do you think of my fears? Do you share any of them? Any advice for how to combat some of them? Any questions about any of them? What are some of your fears?