A Floundering Friendship

You meet.  You find something in common with each other.  You start hanging out.  You start a relationship.  Not a sexual relationship.  A friendship.

But that’s now what this is about.  After your relationship has expanded, or maybe not expanded very much, something starts to go wrong.  You start to feel left out.  Or you feel a strain.  Something that will stop you from being friends with this person.

But when does that happen?  At what point do you decide that a friendship isn’t worth fighting for or saving anymore?

I don’t know the answer to these questions.  If my relationships have ended, it is usually because we have drifted apart.  We have moved away from each other and we don’t/can’t find the time to keep in touch with each other (that is another topic for another day).  I have, on occasion, had a friendship that has ended prematurely, in my opinion.

In these couple of times, I have been upset and perseverated about the end of the relationship.  I have dwelt on the past and been unable to live my life productively.  I have been extremely upset and tried to figure out what I could have done differently that would have made it so that the friendship had stayed intact.  So that we would still be friends.

I still do not have the answers.  I still don’t know what I could have done in either of the scenarios.  It is possible that it wasn’t me.  That it was the other person.  It is, of course, also possible that it was me and I just am too close to the situation to see that it had more to do with me than I want to realize.

So, that begs another question.  If these people that used to be friends come to me with a problem, do I help them?  Is it like the saying that we were best friends once, so I’m always here for you?  Or do I turn them away because I am no longer their friend?  Because our friendship could not survive in our world.

And if these people reach out to me, do I reciprocate?  Do I become friends with them again?  (More to come on this tomorrow, as it is especially pertinent to me now)

I have been thinking about this because of the thoughts at http://www.mwfseekingbff.com  – a blog that I have started to read and am really enjoying and what she had to say about Charlie Sheen today.  And my question is: Are the people he used to be friends with – close friends, bffs – blaming themselves and wondering if they were a part of his demise?

What do you think?  What do you think of floundering friendships – when should they be ended?  Have you ever had to end a friendship prematurely?  Let me know your thoughts.


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