Anxious Anticipation

Today, I am anxiously anticipating so much.

I am anxiously anticipating the fact that I don’t want to be sick anymore.  I have had a cold for a while.  And today, I finally thought that I was getting better, but apparently, I am not.  I decided to go out and do some shopping.  I did some shopping for some things that I wanted/needed.  Well, by the time I had hit my fourth stop (and was about 1 1/2-2 hours in), I had a headache and all I wanted to do was to go and lay down.  So, I came home and rested while my mom was making grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch (yes, at 24, my mother still occasionally makes me lunch – and it was nice today).  After that, I napped for almost an hour.  I do not want to be sick anymore.  I want to be better.

I am anxiously anticipating spending the weekend with a friend and having some fun.  It is going to be more fun than anxious because it will be a good time.  But I’m a little anxious because already things aren’t working out the way they were supposed to.  My friends didn’t get their tickets in the reserved section because they sold out more quickly than we all thought.  And I don’t know that this even matters, which is why it will be more fun than anxious.  But I am definitely anticipating the time I will be spending away and being a 24 year old again.

I am anxiously anticipating hearing back from a job that I applied for.  I applied to a job that I have really started to decide that it would be nice to get.  I don’t often tell people about things that I am doing/applying for because I know that if I don’t tell them, I can just be silently upset/angry with myself if I don’t get it.  I find that, often, when I really want something, I don’t get it.  And I am so close to giving up on this particular part of my life.  Because I can’t stand being in the position that I’ve been in.  And I can’t stand continuing to do what I’ve been doing because it doesn’t always place me where I need and want to be.  And maybe I can’t be as picky as I want, but that’s what applying to this job is for me – being not as picky.  I don’t know what I will do if I don’t hear back/don’t get this job.  I will be a bit devastated.

So, I am anxious.  I am anticipating a lot.  I don’t know what to do to ease any of my anxiety.  I know that the worst is just waiting to see what happens.  But I don’t want to wait too much longer.

Are you anxiously anticipating anything right now?  What?  Have you ever anxiously anticipated something?  Did you feel some of the conflicting feelings that I am feeling – like you might be grasping at a final straw?  That things might not work out?  That you’re worrying about nothing?


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