Silence

When you really listen to the silence you can hear so many things.

Turn off anything you can turn off in your house right now.  Turn off your TV.  Turn off your computer.  Turn off any lights.  Turn off the washer, dryer, dishwasher.  Turn it all off and just listen.

Listen to the silence.

What do you hear?

Maybe you hear your thoughts.  Things you have been trying to keep down with the noises of the day.

Maybe you hear a list of things you haven’t gotten done yet.  Things you wanted to finish.  A list that has things that have been waiting to be crossed off for some time now.

Maybe you hear the sound of things that you can’t control.  Kids.  Other roommates.  Family in the background.  The sound of someone sleeping.

Maybe you don’t hear anything.

Listen more closely.

Block out those extraneous thoughts and noises.  Listen to the silence.

Can you hear your heart?  The heart of someone who may be lying next to you?

Dig deeper into the silence.

I can hear regret building up inside of me.  I can hear all the things I could not see.

Those are the lyrics to a song.  An Alan Jackson song.  The reason for this post.

Do you ever hear your regrets in the silence?  Do you ever hear things that you have missed and taken for granted as you sit in silence by yourself?  Do you ever hear the sound of your heart breaking when you sit in the silence?

I do.  Sometimes.  More often than I probably should at such a young age – I am not a baby still, but I am not old enough to be feeling some of the things that I feel.  I still can’t believe how old I actually am sometimes.

But not all the time.  The silence isn’t always  a curse.  It isn’t always the bad thing.

Tonight it is.  That’s why my music is still going.  It’s why I have been listening to two songs on repeat.  Because then, at least, I have a reason to be thinking the things that I am thinking right now.  A reason to be feeling like a self-destructive fool.  A reason to be reliving all of my failures as I look to the future.

A reason that I am once again questioning everything that I am.  Questioning where I am going and what I should do next with my life.  Another song lyric comes to mind: I’ve got plenty of direction, but I don’t know where to go.

Don’t turn back on your appliances, your mind.  Let your mind wander to what it will.  Don’t stop it.  Write things down.  Capture your inner most thoughts.  Give yourself a break from the day to day.  Then, get some rest.  And wake up tomorrow feeling more refreshed.

Do you ever listen to songs on repeat – over and over again (even if you don’t necessarily feel that way)?  Do you think that specific song lyrics speak to who you are on any certain day?  At any certain moment?   What do you hear in the silence?

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