Teenage Angst

I call this post “teenage angst” because I don’t know what else to call it…despite the fact that I am 23.  As you have most likely figured out (but just in case you’re new or haven’t yet), I am living with my mother again.  It’s not just my mom, but since we’re going to focus on her today, let’s just stick with that (although the fact that my older brother also moved back in probably doesn’t help the situation any).

When I was a teenager, I didn’t really have any issues with my mother.  I didn’t really fight with her and things went pretty smoothly, for the most part.  Today, I had some real problems (and it’s not the first – or I’m sure the last – time it has happened since I’ve moved back home).

I was tired this morning and cranky and she upset me.  I can be a little sensitive.  But I will walk away before blowing up or talking about it.  So, I was upset this morning.  Then, we went shopping and they made some comments about me (her and my aunt, really).  They weren’t bad comments.  And I realize I’m not as little as I used to be (and I plan on losing the weight).  But talking about it right in front of me (like I can’t/shouldn’t be shopping in Ann Taylor Loft because the clothes won’t fit me) is not okay and is going to make me go off the deep end rather than make things better.

Then, the comment that really got to me (since I’ve been struggling with this a little bit myself) was when she told me that maybe I’m not cut out to be a teacher.  It’s the first time that someone other than me has ever voiced that aloud.  At least aloud to me so that I could hear it.  I’ve always heard encouraging words about what a great teacher I will be.  And I think that’s one of the things that has kept me going.

When I hear bad things (because the bad things always stick better than the good ones – even if they are few and far between), I assume that they are true.  So, with the doubts I’ve been having and that my mother said that, I am worried.  Very worried.  I’m scared that maybe this isn’t what I should be doing.  We will see.

Anyways, back to the teenage angst.  On top of today, things are just different.  Maybe it’s because my mother sees me as an adult now.  Or that I feel as if my mother is the 23 year old and I’m the mother half the time.  It’s just very frustrating and I can tell that living with my mother is ruining my relationship with her.  And it’s hard to realize that is happening and not be able to do anything about it.

I don’t want to be angry and broody and mad.  I don’t want my relationship with my mother to get any worse than it is.  I don’t want to have things ruined.  But I feel like they are.  Slowly.  Surely.  Swiftly.  They are being ruined and I can’t stop it.  I see it happening, but I don’t know what to do and I can’t prevent it.

Do you get along with your mother?  What about when you were younger?  Any advice to handle the situations that I am encountering?


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