10-11 School Year: Make It Or Break It

I feel as if the 2010-2011 school year is going to make it or break it for me.  At the end of this school year (or even at the end of my 4 week long term sub position), I am going to have a much better idea of whether or not I want to continue.  Whether or not I can take continuing in this career.

So many things have made me lose hope in wanting to be a teacher.  Do I still want to teach?  Yes.  Do I still hope that I can get a great teaching job and do what makes me happy?  Yes.  Am I still confident that this will actually ever happen?  No.  Courtesy of an article I read this morning (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38750043/ns/business-the_new_york_times), my hope has once again started to drop.  Rather drastically.

I don’t think that is is helping that I feel like I am being thrust into an almost impossible situation within the classroom that I am being put in.  It is going to be my classroom for the first 4 weeks of school – which is not a long time at all.  And then, it becomes the regular teacher’s classroom again.  I am going to be forced to give up something that I love just so that the regular teacher can continue doing what she loves.  Meanwhile, I am having to decipher some scattered notes and figure out how the classroom should be set up, since the teacher had her baby early.

It is frustrating.  I feel like I’m not getting a lot of support.  And I’m not sure who to ask for help.  Although, the teacher across the hall has already been extremely helpful and I am sure I will be eternally grateful to her as I really get things underway.

It’s just hard and frustrating to not know where I should go with this career.  To not be sure that I am going to be able to make it in this career.  To not really have a back up plan.

So, I guess I start figuring out a back up plan.  I guess I try and see what I should be doing…I don’t think I can just wait and see much longer.  And I try and live my life while I’m waiting.  I try not to let the fear cripple me.  I try to earn money in other ways so that I can do things that require money.  I try not to lose hope.

Dear 2010-2011 School Year: Please don’t suck.  Please restore my hope and make things more clear for me.  I know I am putting a lot of pressure o you, but I can’t sit in neutral and not go anywhere without being pushed any longer.

Have you ever lost your hope for something that you want really bad before?

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