Expectations

We all have expectations about everything that happens to us.  We have heard things about what will occur and we’ve amped ourselves up for most opportunities in our life.  Most of the time, the expectations and anticipation are way worse than the event will actually be or we’ve amped something up too much.  Recently, I expected something to happen to me.  I don’t know that my expectations were met – they definitely weren’t exceeded and what I thought would happen afterward, hasn’t happened yet.  I don’t know if I am just riding on the coattails of bliss or if the worst is yet to come.

As I said in my review, I did not get accepted to City Year Seattle/King County.  As I said in my first entry, I didn’t think that I could stand another failure in my life.  Fortunately, or maybe it won’t be so fortunate down the road, my official rejection letter came during a weekend when I had a lot going on – a lot of good things.  And now, I have other things to distract me.  I haven’t thought much about the fact that I was rejected again.  About the fact that I can’t seem to get a job to save my life.  I haven’t even thought much about the fact that I don’t have any clue what I’m going to do with my life anymore.  I think that soon, everything will hit me and it probably won’t be very pretty; but until then, I am going to ride on the coattails of my bliss and not think about the fact that ever since I graduated from four of the best years of my life I have been an utter failure.

For the rest of this week and next week, I plan on getting ready for and spending money on me that I should probably be setting aside to pay off my car credit card, my loans from school, my car repairs that will need to be made so that it will pass inspection.  Then for the next six weeks after that, I am going to go to the camp that I worked at last summer – a counselor position that I enjoyed (but is far below my level of experience) and I am going to forget about the fact that I still don’t know what I’m doing next year.  That I will be two years out of college without any semblance of a life after that figured out yet.

Come the end of August, I’m sure that things will be even tougher than they were last August.  But for now, I’m going to forget about that and I’m going to make some money doing something that will be fun.  I’m going to go and work with kids again.  And I’m going to try and figure out what I want to do with my life.  I expect that things are not going to get any easier; but I am going to fight through and I am going to figure something out.  I also expect that things aren’t going to change anytime soon.  I expect a breakdown is coming and I expect it will hit me harder than ever.  But for now, I’m going to be happy that I have some income for the summer and I’m going to enjoy time with friends and time with kids and be happy because ultimately, the only important thing about life is being happy.

Do you find that your expectations are often too much for the event?  Have you ever had an experience where your expectations were met perfectly: in a good or bad way?

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