Manifest Destiny

Is it coincidence that I have been talking about Manifest Destiny with one of the students I am home teaching?  I have decided to apply to City Year Seattle/King County.  Why did I choose to do this?  I have been pondering it for quite a while as I made my decision.

Factor 1: I have an overwhelming desire to get away from where I am.  I have never felt this way before.  When I left for college, I was excited to be leaving – and I was ready to go, but I assumed that I would be back (and would have been happy to return).  College changed me.  Immensely and in fantastic and fulfilling ways.  The reasons I am itching to leave, are for another post, but suffice it enough to say that it is a huge factor in my decision.

Factor 2: I can’t find a teaching job in New York.  Yes, I want to be a teacher.  Yes, I know that the economy sucks right now.  Yes, I realize I could probably get a job in the south in a heartbeat (but I haven’t had luck with this).  So why not find a teaching job in Seattle?  Something where I might not be quite as worried about finances as I am right now?  I believe that in order to get a teaching job I need to physically be where I want a job.  So I’m moving to Seattle (hopefully) and if I like it, I will try and find a full time teaching job at the end of my term with City Year.

Factor 3: I think the program sounds amazing.  The education system in this country is beginning to flounder in my opinion.  Teachers are being cut, resources are few and far between.  Why not use our best resource – more manpower – to help with this dire situation?  As a City Year corps member I have the ability to make a huge impact, while not being completely overwhelmed in a new place and trying to juggle a new teaching job (with tons of responsibilities) at the same time.

Factor 4: I don’t want to be a scaredy-cat anymore.  I am the wuss in my family.  I am sure that any of my siblings would agree in a heart beat.  I am the goody-two-shoes, do as she’s told, never screw anything up, perfectionist.  My risks are few and calculated.  I want to have an adventure and have a story to tell and I figure that this is the best way to do this.

Why has this all been eating at me so much?  I was talking with my mother (who I am living with at 23, and am thankful that she has been so generous in letting me move back in, but still can’t help but feel like I shouldn’t be here) and she wouldn’t help me make a decision.  She said that she didn’t want to have the weight of it if I didn’t like it.  Mom wants me to find teaching jobs and apply in the area.  Here’s why I’m not doing that.  I believe that this will get my foot in the door – something I haven’t managed to do back here at home.

My recommendations have hit the mail and I will find out in a short few weeks hopefully what is going to happen.  I hope that I get it – I have faced far too much failure this year to fail again…I honestly don’t know if I can take it.  I am ready to feel alive and go on an adventure, and this will prove to be quite the adventure, I’m sure.

Who do you go to for advice?  Do you get angry when they won’t give you the answer you want?  Do you expect a certain answer or are you actually open to what they say?  Ultimately, you must make your own decisions, but do you feel more at ease when you know your family and friends agree with you?

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